Apathy is OK

What is apathy all about anyway? This total lack of concern about the state of my life at the moment...and I'm not talking about the joyfull uncaring freedom of happiness here. No definatly not that, where you don't care about bills because your happy and interested in more important things. No, we're talking about the care about not much apathy, where everything is ho-hum (see I can't even say that I care about nothing, cause it's not true, it really is that bad)
Ok, so is this really a blood cleanse gone horibly wrong (like I silly enough to take double the recomended top dosage)??? Or is this some left over "live in the now" feeling from Febuary, where deep down I know that lots of what is going on right now really dosn't matter in the grand meaning of it all, and I just can't bring myself to care or do anything about it.
And really where is the meaning??? In a job? In money? In paying your bills and getting all your homework done? Gosh it's all so trivial. Listening/dancing to music till 3 in the morning with really good friends seems so much more important right now, so much more nourishing. Re-discovering the magic that always lies just around the corner is what life should really be all about. Deep forests full of moss, secret hidden tree forts in forests of ivy by the beach(in the middle of a city), deep meaingfull self discovering conversation...these are the things that I am searching for.
And really, will having all my bills paid, all my homework done and living in a new house really suddenly open me up to all these things? I don't think so, because the state of mind I need to get those things acomplished is not the state of mind to be in to be able to see the magic that swirls around me every day. Or another way of looking at it is that if I can't see that beautiful misty magic now, why will I be able to do that when I am in a state where happiness can happen(acording to culture anyway; again see the bill and homework discussion above)
But then I think again to my theory of myself. I have the capability to be more ecsatically filled with joy then most people I know. The flip side of this is my great capacity for the dark parts of myself, such as great apathy, depression, and sadness. I belive that you are only as happy as you are depressed, and vise versa. So someone who can only acheive mild sadness will only ever be able to acheive mild happiness because this is all they ever allow themselves to ecperience. We are here on this small planet to expereince, why not go the whole way...
So I am left feeling like this apathy is somewhere I just need to be right now. I have decided to stop listening to those people who tell me I shouldn't be apathetic. Being apathetic is pretty cool, just like being really excited is pretty cool.
so...yay....apathy....