Do domething shocking...

You know, you havn't really lived untill you have wandered around a perfectly normal town in a mideval costume. It's been awhile. I always forget what it is like to not look normal when I have been dressing semi-normal for awhile. Thank god it was too hot to wear my cloak today.
I will go out wearing something "shocking", perhaps even "unacceptable" and for the life of me I can't understand why people are staring at me or giving me dirty looks today. Ohh...right, the mideval costume (or my fav, my big black pentacle shirt, that always gets some nice looks, and damn it is so comfortable)
I really highly sugest everyone do this. Go out wearing some type of outrageous costume. Dosn't have to be mideval, you could go with Victorian period peice, you know bustle and all. Go out in the middle of the day and go shopping for groceries. Or go to the tax office. It really gives one perspective. I find myself getting quite hostile feeling when I wear my costume for long enough. People giving you dirty looks, or the avoidant looks.
"WHAT!!!! You got a PROBLEM with me or something????"
Gosh, no wonder I was angry as a teenager.
Makes me realize why aninmity is nice once in awhile, and why I do wear semi-normal clothes most of the time in public these days (I make no comment on what I wear at home)...

Apathy is OK

What is apathy all about anyway? This total lack of concern about the state of my life at the moment...and I'm not talking about the joyfull uncaring freedom of happiness here. No definatly not that, where you don't care about bills because your happy and interested in more important things. No, we're talking about the care about not much apathy, where everything is ho-hum (see I can't even say that I care about nothing, cause it's not true, it really is that bad)
Ok, so is this really a blood cleanse gone horibly wrong (like I silly enough to take double the recomended top dosage)??? Or is this some left over "live in the now" feeling from Febuary, where deep down I know that lots of what is going on right now really dosn't matter in the grand meaning of it all, and I just can't bring myself to care or do anything about it.
And really where is the meaning??? In a job? In money? In paying your bills and getting all your homework done? Gosh it's all so trivial. Listening/dancing to music till 3 in the morning with really good friends seems so much more important right now, so much more nourishing. Re-discovering the magic that always lies just around the corner is what life should really be all about. Deep forests full of moss, secret hidden tree forts in forests of ivy by the beach(in the middle of a city), deep meaingfull self discovering conversation...these are the things that I am searching for.
And really, will having all my bills paid, all my homework done and living in a new house really suddenly open me up to all these things? I don't think so, because the state of mind I need to get those things acomplished is not the state of mind to be in to be able to see the magic that swirls around me every day. Or another way of looking at it is that if I can't see that beautiful misty magic now, why will I be able to do that when I am in a state where happiness can happen(acording to culture anyway; again see the bill and homework discussion above)
But then I think again to my theory of myself. I have the capability to be more ecsatically filled with joy then most people I know. The flip side of this is my great capacity for the dark parts of myself, such as great apathy, depression, and sadness. I belive that you are only as happy as you are depressed, and vise versa. So someone who can only acheive mild sadness will only ever be able to acheive mild happiness because this is all they ever allow themselves to ecperience. We are here on this small planet to expereince, why not go the whole way...
So I am left feeling like this apathy is somewhere I just need to be right now. I have decided to stop listening to those people who tell me I shouldn't be apathetic. Being apathetic is pretty cool, just like being really excited is pretty cool.
so...yay....apathy....

Ears and Cameras

Ohhhhhh my god, I think that my digital camera is broken. I can't get it to turn on properly and it dons't look like the batteries are dead...
This is a real tragedy for the simple fact that at this very moment I am wearing a fuzzy baklava(one of those urban modern ones) with string down to my knees with big fuzzy balls at the end. But the best thing about this particular newly aquired hat is that it has ears. Yeah, thats right, I said ears. I think every girl ought to own a hat with ears on it, especialy girls like me. I thought this would be a great picture of me, long hair sticking out all ways from a hat with ears...but alas my camera dose not agree with this assesment of things. It justs wants to know what the date is. I try to tell it. It accepts that we are in the year of 2005, and even that we are in the month of June, but it refuses to belive we are anywhere past the 3rd day. It just wants to give up after that. Poor delusioned camera, can't accept the passage of time. It must be excedingly difficult for it as it gets further and further away from it's creation date. Ahh well, we will put the batteries in their little bed and plug it into the wall, give them some recharge. Perhaps then this little silver box of indescribable technologies can move past it's phycological difficulties with acceptance and we can start to take cool pictures of me waering hats with ears again.

Brie's New Game (used to pass the time)

What would you rather...

Be a ______?
OR
Have sex with a _______?

Insert occupation/historical person/etc in the above __________.

Example given;
Would you rather be a fireman, or have sex with a fireman???
Personally I would rather have sex with a fireman, being a fireman would be dangerous and very hot(in a totally differnt sense than the sex), not something I think that I would personally enjoy. And firemen are usually pretty well built, so...
On the other hand I would much rather BE a Jedi than have sex with a Jedi. I mean I am sure sex with a Jedi would be pretty cool and all (you know with the force and everything) but it would be so much cooler to be one. And of course it also all depends of what Jedi we are talking about here, I mean I definatly don't want to have sex with Yoda.

Again, the possibilities for hours of intelectualess entertainment with this game are endless...

Someone make them go away...

My house has been taken over by people I don't remember opening the door to in the first place. Loud music, using my computer, someone with NO people skills staring at me like I just crawled out from under a rock every time I open my mouth. It's all very un-nerving. Why are these people in my house, my space. It all feels very invassive. It's like my house is an extention of my own personal body. My body ain't a hang out place, why is my house suddenly a hang out for all these strange people. Morgan falls asleep on the floor for like ten minutes, I'm on the phone for like 5 and all of the sudden there are all these new silly songs downloaded on my computer and the strange socialess person walking in the door to spend another evening staring at me like somehow I don't belong in his space, in my own fucking house(I personaly think that his intense fear of girls is turing into comtempt, like Yoda siad, fear is the path to hatred, hatred leads to the dark side). GO AWAY!!! Can't do anything I want to do, can't read(to loud in here), can't do homework (can't concentrate), can't just watch a movie ("they" want to take a break from the movie every 10 minutes for a smoke break while I sit staring at the blank TV screen for 15 minutes, waiting for them to come back), can't contribute to the conversation (cause I actually really don't care, ohh yeah and the staring guy). I don't want people touching my stuff, being in my house, being in my space, near me, AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Interlude; weird guy just came in..."What..Are you e-mailing or something???" in such a credulous tone, like why would I be doing that. "NO, I'm blogging, FUCK OFF" Wish I'd said that.
Morgan's useless in situations like this. He can't make them go away, cause he can't stand up for himself. He thinks everyone will hate him for the rest of time if he tells them how he really feels about a situation. It's really weird.
Wishing I was watching Star Wars... (hey, they Dark Side could make all these people go away, damn it, where's Darth Vader when you need him)
Anyway...
Here we go, their back, with their voices, and silly talk...Blahhhhhh.